Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
