I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
