I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
