Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Randomize
