can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
