So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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