I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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