I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
