last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
