Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Randomize
