Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
