I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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