So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
is it fun? or sober?
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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