I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
You should frame my arrest warrant.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
