Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
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