I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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