That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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