it was like having sex with a tree stump
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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