so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
You ruined the universe
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
