And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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