Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I need a hoe opinion
go on
2020 sucks, I want a refund
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
