that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
