OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
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