I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
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