I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
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