he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize