guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
