I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
