Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize