Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Just pee around me
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
