When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
