I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Randomize
