She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
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