he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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