be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
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