That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I think a kid would responsible me up
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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