so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
