just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
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