My sheets look like a crime scene.
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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