I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
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