Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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