Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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