Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Randomize
