Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Randomize
