Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
