dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
