Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
