I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Randomize
