I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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