also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
