OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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