I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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