so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
