it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I'm bleeding and have questions
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