it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
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