idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
The struggles of a small town man whore
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Randomize
