I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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