the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
