I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
