the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
