I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
