But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Randomize
