I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
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