u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I yelled at your uterus for you.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize