i just wanna soil my oats bro
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I'm at about main and main street
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Im part way to drunk.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Randomize
