Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
