i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
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