She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
