he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
My balls are so social today.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Randomize
