i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
