My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
